So today I turn 41. Nothing is better, although it's not really worse. Just reality that I made such a bad choice in my husband and my girls are all going to suffer for it, as am I.
He told me last night that I don't make him a priority. That the kids, dinner, cleaning, the laundry and the computer/electronics all come before him. Well, I don't know how else to do it. If I don't make the chores a priority, they don't get done. If I don't make my kids a priority, they become all screwed up. And the computer/electronics..hmmm...so I've bartered with several people to do their websites in exchange for their services. I can't do them quickly or at all even, because I can't focus during the day when there are kids here. So I try to work on them at night when he's home so that I can try and get things done. There's my website that I'm trying to finish (it's only been a year in the making). There's my businesses that I'm trying to make successful.
He seems to be under the impression that I should be able to get everything done during the day, even though I never get to finish ANYTHING I start because I'm always having to chase a child, console a child, play with a child, pay attention to a child (all of which includes HIM being one of the said children).
So I guess it's back to getting up in the middle of the night to work, which sucks because interrupted sleep like that is worse than just going to bed late. But if I don't go to bed WITH him, he pouts.
OH...and a special fuckyouverymuch to my hubby for choosing to tell me this on the day before my birthday....you know, the day that is supposed to be all about me? Yeah, now I get to make it all about him...so that he feels...important.
And to top things off, I lost it today with with my daughter. I spanked her because I was mad at her Dad.
I suck as a Mother. I got this lovely reminder that I suck as a wife yesterday. I hate my life and really just want to walk away.
Happy Fucking Birthday to me.
